Monday, November 26, 2007

Crop Circles and Cookie Circles

Sailor here.
Mom says we have a crop circle on our lawn. This is very interesting since I don’t know what a crop circle is. Zoe doesn’t know either. Mom says that some people believe that extra-terrestrial aliens visit us at night and draw geometric patterns in our wheat fields. This is very interesting since we have no wheat fields. Mom also says that some people believe that the patterns are made by humans impersonating extra-terrestrial aliens and creating a hoax. This is also interesting since I don’t know what hoax is. My brain was a bit dizzy from all these five-dollar words, so I went outside to look at our crop circle.

Ours is a large round brown spot in the middle of the lawn. It is very big. It is very brown. Mom says she created it herself yesterday by mistake. It doesn’t look like a mistake to me; it looks like a large brown spot in the middle of my lawn. It is so large that I can take three running steps across it and not step outside onto the green lawn. It is so large that Zoe can leap as far as she can and still not reach the green part of the lawn in a single bound. She takes two bounds. Mom says it is so big that it can be seen from a small plane 6500 feet above the deck.

Mom explained that she herself created our crop circle when she washed one of the pair of shoots she uses to cover our patio tables and chairs. These pairs are big and round and white. They keep the dust off the glass tables and blow gently in the wind. I must confess that one morning, don’t ask me what came over me, I peed on one of them. Mom didn’t see me so I didn’t get in trouble. (I only get in trouble when Mom sees me do something naughty; otherwise, she says it’s too late and she will try to circumvent the next naughtiness. Whatever that means.)

Mom told me that my pretty yellow Rorschach design on the bottom of the shoot did not fit into her hunter green patio décor, so she went after it with her favorite miracle product and the hose. When she was satisfied that the shoot was returned to its former state of cleanliness she spread it out on the lawn to dry. Later in the day, she covered the table and chairs with the dry shoot and noticed that the grass under the shoot looked decidedly bilious, she called it.

In the morning when we went outside, we had a crop circle! Mom says that all is not lost; the grass will grow again, and in the meantime, she can use the circle to practice my heeling patterns. That is just what we did. We spiraled in, we spiraled out, I got a little dizzy, and then we unwound ourselves and circled back the other way. I kept up with Mom pretty well until she took off on a tangent and left me behind. She says that the tangent was exactly that – a tangent – and was about to give me a geometry lesson when I saw a lecture coming and did my best imitation of a starving dog, reminding her that she had cookies in her pocket and that the cookies were for me.

She got the hint and cookied me, and off we went again. This time, the tangent did not surprise me and I kept my right ear next to Mom’s left hip and when she stopped, I sat very straight in the correct position and got another cookie.

I think I will call our crop circle a cookie circle. I hope Mom and the aliens do not take it back and we get to keep it for a long time.

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