Wednesday, December 30, 2009

4 Degrees of Farenheit

Zoe here.

Mom took me to the river.

Mom wore lots of clothes. I wore my leash.

We had a short walk today.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Mom's Still Here!

Zoe here.

Mom is still here! Walks in the snow, walks in the rain, walks in the sunshine, and walks in the cold!

Mom is still here!

Boy am I tired.

Thursday, December 24, 2009


Zoe here.


Mom's here! Mom's here! Mom's here!



Ear rubs and side thumpings!

Second breakfasts!

Mom's here!

Thursday, December 17, 2009


Jib here.

Mom and I went to agility class again.

I have fun running and jumping and going up the ClimbIt and through the Tunnel! I don't have so much fun on the Teeter Tip-It or the WalkIt. They are sometimes scary. I don't know if the board will drop out from under me or not. So today I didn't do either.

Mom says she will help me remember how make each one fun. She will do this after our vacation from agility. Then I will like doing them. Again.

Mom is getting better, too. She gives me signals in time. I don't have to stop and do something over. I don't like doing something over. I like just DOING! And I especially like GoGoGo over the last four jumps!

But paying attention to Mom hurts my brain. My brain is more tired than my feet. Mom says that using my brain is harder than using my feet. That is why I am tired after obedience dog school, too. Says Mom.

So after class, I sleep. I sleep on and on. Sometimes I dream. But mostly I just sleep. All curled up in my dog bed.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Zoe Weather!

Sailor here.

Mom says it's Zoe weather.

I say it's cold. It's frosty. My feet need licking to warm them up. Even the dog hair on the lawn is frozen. Solid.

Mom says we're having a cold snap.

Jib hopes not. The last time anything snapped at him, it was to keep him off the kitchen counters. He got snapped on the nose with Mom's Flappy Snappy. It kept him off the counters. Forever.

I hope the cold doesn't snap ME on MY nose.

Thursday, November 26, 2009


Jib here.

Mom was playing Frisbee with me. She stopped. She heard ravens screaming.

Then she dropped my Frisbee and ran inside. She came out with her camera. She took a picture of the top of a tree.

She said the ravens were chasing away a sharp-shinned hawk.

The hawk flew over me. Mom was more excited about that than about throwing my Frisbee.


I Am Thankful

Sailor here.

Today is the day to be thankful.

Mom says she is thankful for me and Jib. Jib says he is thankful for supper and squirrels. And for Mom.

I am thankful for supper and breakfast and all the snacks in between. I am thankful for chicken legs and cheese sticks and freeze-dried liver.

I am thankful that I can run faster than Jib when Mom calls us.

I am thankful for watching over Mom at night while she sleeps. I am thankful that she says good night to me, just me, with special scritches under my chin and behind my ears.

I am thankful for rides in the car.

I am thankful that the mailman goes away when I bark at him.

I am thankful that the gardeners and garbage men go away when I bark at them, too.

I am thankful for dog school because I get cheese sticks and freeze-dried liver.

I am thankful for walks to the park.

I am thankful for the park.

Most of all, I am thankful for Mom.

But I am NOT thankful for the bath I had today.

Does this mean I can still have turkey necks for dinner?

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I Am a Leonberger Again!

Sailor here.

Mom and I went to the park today. Mom took just me. Jib stayed home. She said she wanted a peaceful afternoon.

I got to be a Leonberger today. And I didn’t have to jump into the Bay. Mom said we were going to a Leonberger Pre-Turkey Day party, and we did.

My good friend Liesl was there and so was Leisl’s Laurie who had cookies in her pocket. I met Z-Man and Dante and said hello to Flint. I meet Bella, too.

When Bella came into the dog park, the party started. Leos ran everywhere! I protected Mom and sniffed and ran and sniffed and protected Mom some more. I peed and pooped and had a grand time.

Leisl said a drive-by Hello to Mom and ran off the play chase. Flint had a tiff with a Ridgeback. Callie had to wear panties and couldn’t come and play. Cyrus stayed with her and wouldn’t come play, either. Sage the Malamute made sure everyone played nice; she reminded me of Zoe. Dante started to play and his Mom called him and he come to her and he ran off to play and his Mom called him again. I don’t know if he ever got to play chase.

The wild parrots flew and screeched and flew again. The kids ran and screeched, too. They didn’t give me anything to eat. Neither did the parrots.

But Mom ate lunch. Laurie ate lunch. Everyone ate lunch. Except me. Mom did give me a hunk of cheese. Three times. So I guess it was a pretty good day.

Friday, November 20, 2009

I Have Mail!

Jib here.

I've got mail!

It came in a big envelope from the AKC. It didn't smell very interesting.

But Mom was happy. She said it was my CD Certificate.

I am now a Companion Dog. Mom is my companion.

I hope this will get me steak or cookies.

I Have a Lump

Sailor here.

Mom found a lump. On me. She didn't sleep very well last night. Because of the lump.

In the middle of the night, she crawled into bed with me and whispered in my ear. She said that if I only had two months to live, I was going to the Rainbow Bridge FAT! She would feed me cookies all day long. Every day.


But today, Mom took me to see Dr. Karen. Dr. Karen did something sharp to my lump while Mom fed me cheese.

Dr. Karen said I was already fat. Or, rather, that my lump was all fat. She called it a lipoma.

Mom is very happy.

I am not so happy.

Does this mean I won't be getting fat?


Friday, November 13, 2009

Today is MY day!

Sailor here.

Today was MY day!

Mom gave me a special breakfast and said, "Happy Birthday." Then she kissed me.

Mom came home at lunch and brushed me and said, "Happy Birthday." And she kissed me.

After work, Mom came home and played with me and kissed me. She told Jib that it was my birthday and I was eleven years old.

And she kissed me again.

For supper, I had special rabbit insides and special chicken outsides. And Jib only had chicken outsides.

I love Birthdays! I pranced and barked and said, "Thank You!"

And then I kissed Mom.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Towel Cowl

Sailor here.

I am happier. Mom loves me.
She said it hurt her heart to see me miserable in my Cone of Shame.
So she made me a Towel Cowl.
Now I can go up the stairs. Now I can drink water the old fashioned way. Now I can eat breakfast!

Mom loves me.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Dinner is late. Again.

Sailor here.

I'm hungry!! Mom is feeding us late now. Every day.

Mom says we had to change the clocks back. She makes the sun go to bed earlier and earlier.

I don't care.

I'm hungry! I am still on Daylight Stomach Time!!

The Cone of Shame

Sailor here.

I am in a cone. The Cone of Shame.

Mom found a hot spot on my hip. She clipped it and treated it and told me not to lick. I couldn't. I couldn't not lick.

So now I am bashing my way through the house, wondering how to get a drink of water when Mom isn't here to help me.

Bah humbug.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Another Squirrel!!

Jib here.

I caught another squirrel! I caught another squirrel!
I started licking it but couldn't get it open.

Mom found me. Mom found the squirrel. She said when she called me, I came to her. I came with the squirrel hanging onto my ruff by his claws.

Mom took my squirrel. I thought she was going to open it for me.

But Mom took it away and I didn't see it again.

I smelled Mom's lips, but they didn't smell like squirrel. She doesn't have squirrel breath.

Where did it go?

Sunday, November 1, 2009

More Letters After My Name!

Jib here.

Today Mom and I went to another dog show. This time I didn’t have a bath. And I was lucky in another way, too. Mom says I finally earned my Compact Disc!

Mom is very happy. She was very obedient. We were in Nervous B and Mom forgot to be nervous. She was fun to be with. She smiled and smiled. Especially when I sat and sat and didn’t heckle my neighbor. And again when I downed and downed and DOWNED and didn’t sniff the floor OR my neighbor.

Mom got two white ribbons, two green ribbons, and a big green and gold ribbon. She is very glad to have those ribbons for some reason. But I lucked out again. I got a bait bag full of junk food! And I got a thingie Mom says she can hang on my collar at night and it lights up so she can see where my ruff is.

I think this thingie is the Compact Disc Sailor told me about. Mom is going to put my extra legs inside and they can flash. Flashing legs. Sounds just like me.

I don’t think Sailor has flashing legs in his CD.

Just me, Jib, aka Legendhold Two If By Sea, CGC, BPDX, CD!! This stands for Canine Good Citizen (naturally), Backpack Dog Excellent (sometimes), and Companion Dog (always).

Boy, am I tired.

P.S. Because of my bait bag full of junk food, Mom is now making me eat pumpkin. Lots of pumpkin. And washing my kilts with waterless dog wash. Bother.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

I'm Dressed Up!

Jib here.

I got dressed! I put on Mom's sweatshirt.

I am so proud.

Now, how do I take it off?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Zoe Dreaming

Jib here.

Sailor had a dream. It was a big dream. It was a loud dream. He woofed and yipped and ran his feet.

He woke me and Mom up. So I woke him up.

Mom turned on the light.

"Sailor," she said, "What were you dreaming?"

He said he was dreaming Zoe was still here. He dreamed Zoe was being Fun Police. He dreamed that he talked back to Zoe. He yelled at her. And just as he was going to bite her...

I woke him up.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

I Knew It!

Jib here.

I knew it!

I had a bath. Then I went to a dog show.

I knew it! Bath mean dog show.

I like dog shows. There are dogs everywhere. There are really good cookies in Mom’s lunch box. There are friends everywhere, too.

Mom says I have never met Stranger. Who is Stranger? I will look for him next dog show. Then I will meet him and Mom can’t say that anymore. But today Mom didn’t let me say anything to anyone.

I didn’t get to see if her friends had cookies in their pockets. I didn’t get to sniff all the other dogs. I didn’t get to say, “Hi, I am Jib. What did you have for breakfast?” Instead Mom said, “Leave It!” and I had to. Over and over. But she said, “Good dog!” when I left it, and sometimes she gave me little crunchy liver cookies. So Leaving It wasn’t so bad.

Besides that, this dog show was different in other ways, too. It wasn’t outside. There was no grass. No grass made it Stranger. Maybe that is what Mom means. Stranger means No Grass. Today I didn’t meet Stranger. I met Mats.

And today Mom heeled very well. She made it easy for me to keep up. Mr. Ready-Forward said, “Good job!” when we left the ring.

But Mom started to smell Worried on the Goops. I think she was worried because there was no grass. She was worried I wouldn’t have a good time sniffing. Instead, there were mats. Mats are boring.

But I Sat and didn’t sniff. I didn’t heckle my neighbor even though I tried. My neighbor looked the other way. So instead I watched Mom. Then I Downed and only sniffed once, but there wasn’t anything worth sniffing. So I didn’t move. Much.

Mom grinned. We ran out of the ring and I got really good cookies in my crate. She said I finally did the Goops! Aunt Judy was there and smelled as happy as Mom.

When Mom and I were done, we did something Stranger again. We went back in the ring. Mr. Ready-Forward gave Mom a bit of ribbon. Mom says that I now have a leg.

She confuzled me. I have more than a leg. I think I have four. Mom says I got one today and it is my first. Huh?

Sailor says that he is confuzled about his legs, too. He knows he has four regular Trot-Along legs. He’s had them since he was a puppy. He says he also has six or eight more Obedience legs. He says that his extra legs ARE very obedient. They don’t bother him at all. He says that he also has a Compact Disc because of all those legs.

Where are his Compact Disc legs? Sailor thinks his CD is what dangles and jangles from his collar. He says Mom put his Obedience legs inside the Compact Disc and hung them around his neck.

Sailor says that if I keep heeling with Mom and don’t blow it in Goops, I will have a jingle jangle leg container, too. Full of extra legs.

Just in case.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


Zoe here.

Snow! Snow!

I live in a car now!


Monday, October 12, 2009

No more Fun Police

Sailor here.

The Fun Police isn’t. Mom says she is on her way back to Maine.

I miss the Fun Police. She broke up the fun between me and Jib. Every time. I didn’t get to run as much. I didn’t get to jump as much.

Now I have to run and jump. A lot.

I kept looking for Zoe to help me out. I kept looking for her to say, “Stop having Fun!”

But she isn’t here.

I am very, very tired.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

I Am a Hunter!

Jib here.

I am a hunter! Last time ago, I caught a squirrel and ate it. Well, I shared it with Mom.

But I learned to hunt! I learned to pounce!

I learned to catch my own supper.
Soon, one of those pesky critters will come on MY side of the fence again.

Then just watch me hunt! Those squirrels don’t have a chance!

Bye, Zoe

Sailor here. Jib here, too.

Mom took Zoe for a walk all by herself. We didn’t get to go. Mom came back with tears in her eyes.

Zoe got in Erik’s car and they drove off.

Mom says Zoe is going back to live in Maine. She will romp in the snow and play with the grandgirls and go to work with her Dad.

Mom is sad.

We are all missing Zoe. We miss her being the Fun Police and shouldering Sailor away when he wants to grab Jib by the ruff and roll him in the mud. We miss her yelling for supper when Mom comes home from work. We miss Zoe sleeping on the lawn but always waking up to play. We miss her pointing out squirrels to hunt. We miss her leading the way when we all go on walks.

We think Zoe will miss us, too.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009


Jib here.

I caught a squirrel!

I caught a squirrel!

I caught a squirrel!

And I ate it.

Well, I ate half of it. The front half.

Mom came outside and saw. She took it away from me. She is Boss.

She gets to eat the back half.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

50 Ways To Fail At Novice

"Down on the sit, Twit
Roll on the down, Brown
Stay on the Heel, Seal
Spin on the Stand, Sand

Two calls for the come, Bum
Sit still on the eight, Mate
Stop on the slow, Whoa
Heckle your neighbor, Saber

Snarl at the judge, Fudge
Leave the ring fast, Blast
Freak at the hat, Bat
Poop in the ring, King

50 ways to fail at Novice."

Jib here.

Mom sang to me all the way home from the dog show. She made up funny ways to fail at Novice. She said I didn’t do all of them. Only one of them. And nobody snarled at the judge. And nobody left the ring. This time.

But she says that I Not Quited again. This means I failed.

But she was wrong!

I heeled and heeled and heeled. I sat when Mom stopped. Well, once I forgot and another time I almost forgot. I was perfect on the Stand -To-Be-Petted. I ran to Mom when she called. I did sniff the Posts. But only to see if they had cookies in their pockets. That made me late. I did watch the Judge to see if he was friendly, too. That made me slow down when Mom didn't. But I remembered to stay with Mom when she ran off across the ring. And I stayed with her when the judge ran us under the ring ropes.

But I did NOT heckle my neighbors. I did not. I politely sniffed them. Both days. Mom said that if I had sniffed from where she left me, it would have been OK. But I got up to sniff. I had to say Hi. How can you say Hi if you don’t sniff? I had to step close to the Rat Terror. And I had to visit T-Bone, too. I know him from dog school. I got up to say Hi, what did you have for breakfast? His mouth was what Mom calls St. Bernard irresistible. I call it big and drooly.

Mom says we have work to do. But she said that because of me, she is no longer afraid to fail. She says this is a big relief. She says this makes her not even Sub-Nervous. And she said that SHE was perfect, even if I wasn't. And all because of me.

Aren’t I grand?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Jib here.

Mom gave me a bath. Again.

We went to the park and heeled and heeled and heeled. Again.

I got to play dumbbell after I heeled. Again.

I had breakfast in the park. Again.

Mom is starting to smell nervous.


I think there's a dog show.


Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Jib here.

Where’d they go? Where’d they go?

I looked and looked.

I looked in the crate.

I looked in the house.

I looked in the outside.

I looked in the dog yard.

I looked under the bed.

Where’d they all go?

Saturday, September 12, 2009


Sailor here.

We finally had dinner. Mom finally had dinner, too. Dinner revived me and Jib. Dinner revived the Tri Trio. Dinner even revived Mom.

After we rested our tummies, the Collie Jollies romped and barked outside with each other. Mom romped and barked with the dishwasher. Then, in a fit of energy, she called us inside and brushed ALL of us. Even Tavish.

Jib and I jumped up on the hearth to show the Trio how it was done. We got cookies. Drummer jumped up on the hearth and Mom brushed him. He grumbled when she picked up his feet to brush the monkey fur out of his feathers. Mom told him to Knock It Off! He Knocked It Off. Then he got cookies. Jamie couldn’t jump up, so Mom brushed him on the floor. Mom gave Jamie a hug and cookies. Then Tavish jumped up and got brushed and cookies, too.

And then we played Drive-By! Mom sat on the couch and all of us circled around Mom. We went one direction around the piano. Then we turned around and went the other direction around the piano. Each time we passed in front of Mom, she did something fun. Sometimes she gave us a cookie. Sometimes she gave us a pat and a scritch. And sometimes she swiped us with the brush. Jamie drove by the most. He really liked this game. Drummer drove by lots of times, too.

When I couldn’t smell cookies in Mom’s pocket any more, I lay down on Drummer’s blanket and watched. Jib went into his crate to dig a bit of freeze dried chicken breast out of his Kong. Tavish lay down across the room and wagged his tail.

But Drummer and Jamie kept playing! Mom said she pulled quite a bit of undercoat from Jamie’s kilts and rear end. She brushed Drummer’s ruff until it was smooth and shiny. When she said, “OK, enough,” Jamie still wanted to play. But Mom put the brush away so Jamie had to stop. Drummer gave Mom a big collie lean and Jamie rubbed Mom with his head .

Funny collies.

I Got the Ball!

Tavish here.

I got the ball!

I got the ball!

I got the ball!

And I’m not giving it back.

Day Two

Jib here.

We ran! We barked! We played soccer! I got the ball! Tavish played Tug with me. Drummer got the ball! Zoe got Drummer! Well, she didn’t GET Drummer, she just told him who was Boss Lady.

Sailor says that Drummer needs to be reminded. He bullies Jamie. He bullies Tavish. He doesn’t bully ME. And now he doesn’t even think about bullying Zoe. Mom laughed. She loves watching Zoe being Boss Lady. She says that’s why she has all boys.

We ran some more! We barked some more!

I am tired. Sailor is tired. Drummer is tired. Jamie is asleep with his head on the bottom step. Tavish is NOT tired. But Tavish is in my crate, pretending to rest.

I can’t wait for Play Time after Mom regroups.

Day One and a half

Sailor here.

All was quiet last night. Very quiet. Our guests slept. And slept. All night. Mom was surprised. I was surprised. Jib didn’t care much one way or the other.

It was quiet until almost-light when the Dog Goddess came by and started taking flash pictures of me. Then she made the sky BOOM!

I lifted my head and decided to go back to sleep. She can visit me again when I’m awake and brushed and ready to pose. Jib got up and went to see if Mom was scared of the noise. Mom said, “Good dog, we’re fine,” and Jib went back to sleep. I listened to see if the Tri Trio was OK and I didn’t hear a thing. So I guess they don’t mind the Dog Goddess, either.

We all slept until past morning and just as Mom was ready to go downstairs, Tavish started barking. Mom said, “Eight o’clock, not bad.” I thought, "Eight bells, very good." Jib didn’t think. He ran downstairs to visit with the Tri Trio. And then we all got to go outside and run amok.

Right after Mom let us out, she reminded us of her lecture about Just Who Was In Charge. Yesterday she reminded each of alone and all of us together. She reminded Tavish to pay attention this morning, too, because yesterday he was booping Zoe while Mom gave us The Lecture, and Zoe couldn’t pay attention. Neither could Tavish. But he listened this morning.

We ran and Jamie barked and Jib chased his Frisbee and Tavish and Jib played tug with the Frisbee and Mom called Tavish and he came running. Mom threw the Frisbee and everyone went running after it and Jamie barked and Drummer shouldered him out of the way and Tavish caught the Frisbee and brought it back to Mom.

Then Mom threw the small soccer ball and Jamie said, “This is more like it!” We raced to see who could pick it up first and we played keep away. Then we realized it was more fun to bring the ball back to Mom because she would throw it again. And she did. Over and over. And Jamie was the happiest I have ever seen him.

Well, I didn’t play fetch and run. I stayed with Mom in case the boys decided to knock her over. Anyway, I could smell meatballs in her pocket and I’d rather be close to them than chasing an old ball, anyway.

Mom put the ball away and we went galloping to the back to find squirrels. Mom called Tavish to her and he came running all the way from the squirrel trees right to her. So did Jamie and Drummer. And me and Jib. I ran fast because Mom had meatballs in her pockets. Tavish was the only one who got a meatball this morning, though. Hmmmph. And he got another one when she called him off a squirrel and he came running. Double hmmmph.

Mom said that Tavish is being a model guest. She was ready to pounce if he was naughty with her books, but so far all he has done is sniff the titles, look over his shoulder at Mom, and plunk himself down at her feet. And he was perfect on his walk with her, too. He didn’t pull on his leash one time and kept up with her and didn’t sniff the bushes or pee everywhere. Mom is perplexed, whatever that means. She says she can’t find fault with him. Even when he barks for attention, he stops after a short time.

Mom says he hasn’t been here long enough yet to misbehave. He is still learning the rules and is acting like the rescue foster collies she has taken in and loved. He is not so sure of himself here that he is bored or feels like being naughty or saying, “Yeah? Make me!”

I am disappointed. I thought Tavish was going to make me and Jib look really good.


Friday, September 11, 2009

Collie Jolly Weekend - Day One

Jib here.

Our weekend has started! I call it Collie Jolly weekend. Mom calls it Collie Chaos. Sailor calls it Boot Camp for Tavish. Whatever you call it, its fun! It’s wild! It’s more collies than I can count.

Mom can count really well. She says we have five collies and a Siberian. I am one of the collies. So is Sailor. So is Tavish. And so are Jamie and Drummer. Zoe is the Siberian.

We ran wild. We played chase. We sniffed and peed and peed again. All over the yard. Mom blew her whistle and we all came running. We all got cookies. Even Tavish.

Mom told us to Sit and to Stay. We sat. We stayed. But not for long. I got up first. Then Tavish. Mom put us back. We sat again. We stayed. Mom took our picture. Then she let us play chase again.

Mom threw me the Frisbee. Jamie yelled for a ball. Drummer barked at the gardeners next door. Tavish ran to the dog yard to say hello to Zoe. Zoe was napping and didn’t hear us. Mom says she is getting harder of hearing by the day. I think she is harder of hearing by the night, too.

Then Mom came out and sat on the steps. She schmoozed us all. Jamie gave Mom tiny kisses. Drummer shouldered him away. Mom put her head over Drummer’s back and Drummer play bowed and backed off. He didn’t want Jamie to schmooze Mom. HE wanted to schmooze Mom. But then he said he was just kidding. Sailor wrung his paws. Mom told all of us the SHE was in charge. We were not in charge. Just Mom. So Sailor stopped wringing and yipping. He was glad he didn’t have to make any choices.

Now we are having some Quiet Time-Out time. Some rest time. Some peace and quiet time. I am quiet by Mom’s feet. Sailor is quiet on Jamie’s blankie. Tavish is quietly asleep in my crate. Jamie and Drummer are quiet on the back porch.

I can’t wait for Noise Time again!

Monday, September 7, 2009

Zoe Zoe Zoe

Sailor here.

Mom says that in October Zoe is going back to Maine to live with her Dad and Katy and theGrandGirls. I will miss Zoe. Jib will miss Zoe. And I think Zoe will miss me. And Jib.

Zoe's been with me and Mom for four years now. She's run through screen doors, dug holes all over the lawn, bitten the heads off the sprinklers, unstuffed dog beds, chewed through wooden fences into the neighbor's backyards, dug out of the chain-link dog run and romped through the neighborhood (often), and ripped out the entire garden's drip system twice.

I think Mom's going to miss her.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Good News All Around

Sailor here.

Jib and I are back in business. We are the Janitorial Service Front and Center! We have a job again!

The GrandGirls are back and so are their blue corn chips, chicken bites, strawberry pieces, and cheese stix. So are strangled egg chunks and toast points. And so are Jib and me right under the table waiting for eggs, cheese, toast, and chicken.

We are happy.

Mom is happy because her daughter came back with the GrandGirls. Mom and Katy talk non-stop for days and days about everything under the sun.

Zoe is happy, too, because her Dad is here with the GrandGirls. She misses him when he is back in Maine with Katy and the GrandGirls. Mom says that Zoe actually belongs to him, but that she has stayed with us for so long that my Mom is her Mom now, too.

And guess what? Zoe had another birthday! Mom says two birthdays in the space of a month and a half is highly irregular, yes, she really talks like that. But Mom and Zoe’s Dad did he math and Zoe is actually 14! Mom thought she was 13, but she isn’t. She’s 14. That’s really old in dog years. The oldest GrandGirl said that in people years, 14 is really old, too, practically grown up. But I don’t think Zoe will ever grow up. She’s still very puppy.

We are all happy. Jib and I are happy. Mom is happy. But happiest of all is Zoe, running free in the backyard, being 14-going-on-puppy.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Trio of Tri's

Jib here.

My friends came to see me today. They are tri’s. Mom calls them the Trio of Tri’s. That means three tri-color collies, but today only two came over. Zoe is black and white, so that made three. So we had a trio, according to Mom, who can count really, really well. I looked for Tavish, but he didn’t get to come today. Phooey.

Zoe had to tell each of the boys who was Boss. She is the Boss Lady in our back yard. And she doesn’t let anybody forget it.

Jamie said, “Okay,” the minute he met Zoe.

Zoe put her head over Drummer’s back.

Drummer said, “Oh yeah? We’ll see about that!” He made Ugly Face when Zoe had what Mom called a difference of opinion.

Drummer wanted to be Boss Lady.

Zoe got in his Ugly Face and made Even Uglier Face. She told him SHE was Boss Lady. So he said, “Well, Okay, maybe,” and Sailor stopped wringing his paws.

Zoe and Drummer sniffed each other politely afterwards and that was that.

Mom says she’s glad Drummer is a boy. If he were a girl, Ugly Face may have escalated to Ugly All the Time. (Mom really talks like that.) But Drummer is a boy. Zoe is a girl. So they got along just fine after they figured out who was Boss Lady.

Mom says that the Tri Trio is coming to play with me soon. They will spend two or three play days and dark sleeps with me. Best of all, Tavish will be here, too. I can’t wait!

Mom says we will have Tri Collie Chaos and that Tavish will come for Zoe Boot Camp and Mom Boot Camp. I had Mom Boot Camp when I was a puppy and it was hard. I had Zoe boot camp, too, and it was a lot easier. But Mom Boot Camp got easier after a while. I wonder if it will get easier for Tavish.

Sailor says that between Mom and Zoe, he doesn’t have a chance.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Zoe Fur

Sailor here.

Mom hupped Zoe up on the grooming table this evening, outside.There was a nice cool breeze and I was drowsy, so I lay down nearby for a doze.

Well, for once Mom had her brain engaged and was standing to weather of Zoe.

She kept waking me up talking about Zoe's coat. It was blowing for the third time in four weeks.

"Look at All This Undercoat, Good Thing I Bought a New Rake, Wow!"

I woke up hearing the words, "Good Zoe, want a cookie?"

When I popped up, Mom laughed at me and said, "Sailor, you look JUST LIKE ZOE!"

I craned my neck to look at myself, and she was right. When I dozed, was I was leeward of Zoe. The breeze took care of the rest.

I am still spitting and sneezing Zoefur.


Sailor here.

Mom drove up in the dog car and walked in the door, announcing, “I’ve just had the car detailed and it looks great!”

I jumped on the couch and looked outside to see about my car. Yup. She was right. Detailed.

“And you’re next, Sailor,” Mom continued. “Time to detail you!”

I looked up in alarm. “What? What? You’re going to WHAT?”
I sat down hard on the floor, tucking my tail under my body. “No way, Mom,” I whimpered. “I LIKE my tail!”

Zoe vs. Mom

Sailor here.

Mom and Zoe went for a ride in the dog car. I came along for, well, for the ride.

I lay down in my crate in the back-back. Mom turned on the cold air.

Zoe wouldn't lie down in her crate in the back. She was pop-up dog. She didn't like her crate one bit.

“Mom, I wanna ride in the back seat!” Zoe whined.

Mom turned her head and looked at Zoe out of the corner of her eye.

“Sorry, Zoe, you’ll be much safer in the crate. It’s very distracting to have your nose poke me in the ear when I’m trying to drive.”

“I gotta do that, Mom. How else will I be able to tell you not to flatten that squirrel or pancake that bicyclist?”

“Maybe if you weren’t distracting me,” Mom retorted, “I could keep my eyes on the road!”

I am wringing my paws. I hope they kiss and make up soon.

Fridays are Woof Days

Sailor here.

Mom says I’ve made great strides in the Friday morning department. I used to bark when the garbage men came to steal our stuff. I used to bark a lot. It’s my job to warn Mom of what she calls impending larceny. But Mom explained that these men were actually helping us be virtuous, so I changed my tune.

Mom says that every week we put our leftovers into the smell-cans for the garbage men to pick up. They do pick them up, I’ve seen them. Mom said that they take our stuff (and some of it’s GOOD stuff!) to Phil Land. He lives over by the Bay and needs it more than we do. She says that generosity is one of the most important virtues and we can be virtuous every Friday morning.

I am glad Phil Land needs our stuff and that we can be virtuous, but it’s hard not barking when I hear Phil’s friends come for his stuff. This morning, I was asleep by the window just inside Mom’s den door and the garbage men caused me to Woof!

Mom told me to settle. I settled, but my chest still felt like woofing.

“What’ll I do next week, Mom?” I asked. “It’s hard not to woof.”

But Mom was on top of that one.

“Next week, Sailor,” she said, “I’ll close the bedroom door.”

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Jib Showed Off at the Dog Show

Sailor here.

Today Mom woke us up in the dark. She threw me out in the middle of the night! I had to go into the dog yard. I didn't get breakfast.

Jib didn’t come with me. He went in the Dog Car with Mom. I was confuzled. Then I went back to sleep.

When Jib came back, he smelled like dog show crates. He smelled like dumbbells. He smelled like Tavish and Aunt Judy.

Jib went to a dog show! Actually, Mom said it was a workshop on a golf curse.

“Are you in Mopin’ now?” I asked Jib, smelling his ruff, which was not knaughty.

“No,” he said, smelling my mouth to see if I had breakfast. I didn’t.

“I am still in Nervous. But Aunt Judy let me play in Mopin’. She had an extra ticket.”

Zoe looked at Jib. “What is Mopin’?” she asked. “Does it make you sad?”

I laughed and so did Jib. I used to think Mopin’ was really called Open and the Mom would teach me to open the refrigerator. But when I learned this was not to be, I realized it was really called Mopin’.

“No, Zoe!” Jib said. “Mopin’ is fun. It is where I get to run. I get to bring back a dumbbell to Mom. I get to jump over a jump to find the dumbbell. I get to jump back over the jump and not drop the dumbbell. I get to jump over a bunch of boards, too. And I get to run to Mom and drop. Fast.”

“Did you have to Stay while Mom went far away?” I asked. This is the part I hate. This is why I only have a Compact Disc somewhere on me and not a Compact Disc named X.

“No,” Jib said, frowning a bit. “Mom stayed in front of me. But I had to Stay for a long time. A long, long time.”

“Did you hitch your bum when Mom left you?” I asked. I really wanted to know that Jib wasn’t perfect.

“Yeah,” Jib said. “And Mom came and made me right. But it was a new place. There were new dogs. I didn’t remember about my bum very well.”

I smiled and gave him a brotherly shove with my shoulder.

“What kind of cookies did you get?” I hope he didn’t get liverwurst. That is my favorite.

“Mom had hot dogs and cheese and light liver cubes,” Jib said. He drooled when he said this.

I drooled, too. I am jealous. I want light liver cubes. Maybe if I find Heel Position all day long, Mom will give me some.

Friday, August 21, 2009

I Had a Conversation with Mom

Jib here.

I was asleep. I was minding my own business. I was dreaming about when I was a wee puppy. I was dreaming about chewing on my sister’s ears. I was dreaming about learning how to climb gray steps.

Mom came and woke me up. She took off my collar. She put on her rubber apron.


Mom gave me a bath. I didn’t need one. Really I didn’t. But Mom said it was because I had one of those poops that make me scoot on the grass. She said my kilts weren’t very clean.

Mom said she also gave me a bath because my ruff was naughty.

Zoe said that my ruff was naughty with a K. My ruff wasn’t TOO knaughty. Not knaughty enough for a bath. Really.

But Mom said yes. She said we are going to a dog show tomorrow so my ruff and kilts have to be beautiful. When my ruff has knaughts, she always gives me a bath. And a bath makes it easy to brush my ruff.

So I had a bath. I was not happy.

While I was being blowed and blowed, Mom and I had a talk. Zoe came near me to listen. Sailor lay down near the cheese table to listen, too.

“Jibby, if I had known how difficult your coat was going to be,” Mom said, “I may have reconsidered neutering you.”

“What is neutering?” I asked.

“That’s when the vet removed your testicles,” Mom said.

I crossed my back legs. Mom made me straighten up again.

“Where did they go?” I asked when I had recovered.

Mom stopped brushing me. She looked into the sky.

“I think they are waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge,” she said.

“Can I have them back?” I asked.

“Yes. When you go to the Bridge, you will get them back,” Mom said.

“Are mine at the Rainbow Bridge?” Sailor asked.

“Yes, Sailor,” Mom said, “Yours are at the Bridge, too.”

I looked at Mom. “Can I have Sailor’s, too?” I asked.

Mom laughed. She shook her head NO. “Sailor will probably have claimed his before you make it to the Bridge,” Mom said.

I was disappointed. But if I get my own back, than it’s not so bad.

“Will I have to have baths at the Rainbow Bridge?” I asked.

Sailor lifted his head. Zoe looked at Mom.

“No,” Mom said, “You will never have another bath.”

We smiled. All four of us.

So now I smell great. I am not knaughty any more. And I get to show off at a dog show in the morning. Sailor and Zoe have to stay home.

Nyah nyah.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Another Bad Word Day

Sailor here.

This morning, Mom didn’t give me breakfast. She says it’s Saturday and a Half Assed Day. Actually, it’s a Half Fast Day, but you know what I mean. Then the doorbell rang and in my distress, I forgot to bark.

Aunt Judy came to my house just to say Hello to me and Jib! She says hello in the best way: lots of butt foozlings and side thumpings.

Mom clipped on Jib’s leash and she and Aunt Judy and Jib went away in the dog car. Mom took lots of great cookies and somebody’s breakfast with them. Was it MY breakfast? Maybe it will come back with Mom and I will get to eat it after all.

While my tummy made lion cub sounds, I stayed home and guarded the front door. Nothing much happened. Nobody came to the door, no people, no lions, no mailmen. So I slept.

When Mom came back, she brought Aunt Judy and Tavish with her. Tavish is Jib’s cousin. Tavish is the same color as Zoe. He looks like Jib with Zoe fur. He barks a lot. Jib barks a lot when he is with Tavish. They are naughty together and make me nervous.

Mom came inside for towels and her rubber apron. My heart stood still. Was it MY turn? Was I going to have a Bad Word instead of breakfast? I hid in Jib’s crate. Mom went back outside around the side of the garage. I sighed with relief. Jib trotted outside to see what was happening in the Bad Word spot. I did not. I was afraid Mom would see me and decide to give ME the bad word instead of giving it to Aunt Judy.

Jib came back inside and said that Aunt Judy didn’t have the Bad Word. Tavish had the Bad Word. That’s why Mom got wet. That’s probably why Aunt Judy got wet, too. Jib said Mom sprayed Aunt Judy by mistake and Aunt Judy sprayed Mom by mistake while they were spraying Tavish on purpose. So Tavish got the wettest of all.

Then Mom and Aunt Judy brought Tavish into the back yard and Ah-errgged him onto the cheese table. They dried him with Mom’s unbroken dog dryer. It took forever.

After Tavish was dry and fluffy and had licked all the cheese off the cheese board, Mom let Zoe out to romp. Tavish spent most of his romp time trying to say hello to Zoe’s rear end. Zoe spent ALL of her romp time telling Tavish to back off. I spent my time yipping at them both. Mom says my yipping means I am really wringing my paws, metaphorically speaking. She really talks like that.

Tavish finally figured out how to be polite for a few seconds at a time. Zoe got to have a drink of water without dripping all over Tavish’s head when she yelled at him.

I remember when Jib was a Mutant Teenage Collie and Zoe kept telling him to back off. Jibby wasn’t as stubborn as Tavish, though. But Mom says Tavish and Jib are two peas in a pod. Two cookies in a cookie jar. Two Desperadoes in our back yard. She says that Jib grew a new brain when he turned three and that Tavish will, too. All he needs is time.

I can hardly wait.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Jib here.

Today Mom looked at Zoe and said a bad word. Sailor gasped and hid in my dog crate. He thinks he’s safe there. I hid, too, behind the couch. But I peeked out to see what would happen.

Mom took off Zoe’s collar. She put a slip lead around Zoe’s neck. She put on her rubber apron. She led Zoe out to the side of the garage.

From the smell of it, Zoe had a bath. From the look of it, Mom did, too.

Mom ran back inside for more towels. She said the towels were for her, not Zoe

Mom says that the minute she gets Zoe all wet, Zoe shakes. Zoe outdid herself today. She got Mom very wet. Her apron was wet. Her neck was wet. Her arms were wet. Even her hair hung down in drippings.

Mom says it’s hard to wet Zoe down to the skin. Zoe says her coat is dense on purpose. If she is mushing on the Iditarod Trail and she falls into a river, her skin won’t get wet. She won’t freeze. And she says that pulling a dogsled is such hard work that her fur will dry from the skin side out. That’s how much heat she will make running the Iditarod.

Mom says that Zoe lives in California and that she doesn’t need an Iditarod coat. Zoe disagrees. She still thinks she will someday get to Alaska and pull a sled. She says she will be the lead dog.

I jumped up to look out the window. It was sunny. It was hot. Mom was back at the bath tub with Zoe. I saw Mom shove her face into the towel. Then she gave Zoe a cookie I woofed, but Mom ignored me. Sailor stayed in my crate, drooling a little. I think he was nervous.

After Mom dried as much of herself as she could, she turned the water back on. Zoe was rinsed and rinsed. All the dog hair that fell out in the bath was flung into the bushes for the birds. There must be a lot of birds needing nesting fur. There was that much dog hair.

Then Mom brought Zoe into the back yard. She lifted her onto the Cheese Table. She turned on the dog dryer that blows fur and gravel and leaves. It sucks up water, too. Fur flew into the air. Great clumps of fur.

Mom dried and dried. Zoe licked and licked. Then the dryer stopped. All by itself. Mom said a bad word that wasn’t “bath.” She went inside to see if anything broke on the breaking box. She said nothing broke.

But something did break. The dog dryer broke. Zoe broke it. I was happy. Mom wouldn’t ever blow my dry again. Ever.

But I was wrong. Mom opened the cupboard. She took out the small dog dryer that was always a dog dryer. It is orange, whatever that is. Mom says it takes forever to dry a dog with this dryer.

Mom finished drying Zoe. It took forever.

Then Mom dried her own hair with the dryer. She blew off the dog fur from her legs and chest and arms. She came back inside looking really scary. But she went into the forbidden water bowl room and came out looking like Mom again.

Zoe is very proud. She says the backyard looks like it snowed. What is snow? Sailor says I lived in snow after I was born. I don’t remember. If snow is fluffy and gray and covers everything, then it snowed. It snowed in my backyard.

Zoe says she is going to get even with Mom. She is going to finish blowing her coat all over the house for the next three days.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Foozle me, Mom!

Jib here.

Sailor is better. I like it when he’s better. He chases me. He rolls me in the dirt. He barks at the mailman and tells me to bark at the gardeners. He makes me happy.

Mom is making sure Sailor stays better. She gives him neck messages. She buries her hands in his ruff and her fingers talk to his neck. He loves it. He leans his head into her chest like Zoe does when Mom rubs her behind her ears. He sighs. He closes his eyes.

Mom is making sure Sailor stays better in his hind end, too. First, she foozles his butt fluff. Sailor’s feet jump around and his tail wags and wags. He laughs into her face. He loves being foozled. Then Mom messages his back and butt. She says the foozling makes Sailor relax so she can talk to his muscles without having him move around too much.

Sailor says that until today, his back hurt a little when Mom messaged him. He says the foozling was great, though, and didn’t hurt. And his back felt better after Mom’s fingers talked to it. She also talked to his legs, and Sailor says that felt great.

Yesterday, Mom petted sunscreen over her arms and watered our tomatoes. Then she foozled Zoe’s butt fluff. She laughed and said a naughty word and Zoe ran across the lawn and Mom went inside and washed the fur off of her arms. She had to use soap. I’m glad she didn’t foozle ME. Bad words make me nervous even when Mom is laughing. The worst word she says is "bath.” That word makes me really nervous and she said it yesterday after she foozled Zoe.

Sailor thinks “bath” is the worst word, too. And he puts his ears down and mutters when Mom says “teethies.” I don’t. I jump up on the cheese table. I like having my teethies brushed. The toothpaste tastes great and so does the cheese. Sailor likes the cheese table, too, and will jump up even though Mom is holding his toothbrush. Mom tied a white metal board to the cheese table and sprays spray cheese all over the whiteboard and we lick it off. Sometimes we get a free lick. Sometimes we get a toenail grind. And sometimes we get our teethies brushed after the cheese is gone. Mom says this is a good way to keep us occupied when she grooms us.

Zoe doesn’t like the cheese table. She says it means something is going to happen to her that wasn’t her idea, and that is not her idea of fun. She won’t come for supper even when she’s hungry unless it’s her idea and not Mom’s. She WILL run to the front door for walkies, though. Walkies is her favorite thing. It doesn’t matter whose idea it is. And Zoe likes being foozled if she doesn’t have anything better to do like nap or watch the street or mark the edge of the brick patio.

Here comes Mom. I think I will smile at her and turn around and coax her into foozling MY butt fluff.

Friday, July 31, 2009

I Am Happy

Sailor here.

I am happy. I am very happy. My neck feels like it always feels. My tummy is fine. I can bark at the gardeners. I can jump onto the deck. I can tell Jib to get out of my face and roll him in the dirt. I can run with Zoe.
I am happy.

I like Mom to rub my neck and shoulders. I still don’t like Mom to rub my back, but she says it is good for my back muscles. I’d rather she does good things to my shoulder and neck muscles. When she massages my neck, I lean into her chest and close my eyes. When she massages my low back, I try to move away from her fingers. Mom says this, too, shall pass. She says that medicine and acupuncture will do the trick.

I do tricks! I did my Lassie trick for her. I did my Bang Bank trick. I even barked when Mom said, “Speak!” Barking did not hurt my neck. Bang Bang did not hurt my back. And the Lassie trick got my cookies!

I am happy.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


Sailor here.

My neck hurts. My back hurts. I think even my teeth hurt. I told Mom how much I hurt yesterday and she called Dr. Karen. She drove off. She came back and shoved things down my throat. I didn’t like this because I couldn’t lift my head. But then I began to feel better. After I felt drunk.

Mom wants to know how I hurt myself, but I’m not telling. If I do, someone will probably get in trouble. And his name might be Bilgewater.

It was hard to sleep because I was afraid to lie down. It hurt to lie down in most of my favorite positions, so I stood a lot last night. Mom talked to me a lot in the dark, but I was too drunk to notice. The only place I slept was on my dog bed with my head hanging over my front feet.

This morning, Mom got up looking awful. She says when I have a bad night, she has a bad night. I must have had an awful night. She took me to Dr. Karen and I hung out with whining dogs. Dr. Karen was able to move my head all around, and I was afraid it would hurt, but it didn’t hurt too much. Then she took pictures of my bones. Everyone petted me. But nobody gave me cookies.

Then Mom took me to JD who had cookies hidden in a box. JD said I was beautiful and then did all sorts of things to my back and shoulders and neck. And toes. Mom says JD stuck needles all over me, too, but I didn’t notice. I was busy trying to figure out how to get to those cookies.

Finally, JD gave me cookies and Mom took me home.

I am tired. Mom gives me medicine to keep me comfortable, and it keeps me drunk. I am feeling better but my neck still hurts. Jib is being nice to me and Mom is being extra nice to me. I can sleep now on the rug and don’t have to hang my head over anything. I can still walk and trot a little and pee and eat and drink water. Mom gives me medicine inside of cheese and she stayed home to be with me today.

Maybe being drunk isn’t so bad after all.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Happy Birthday, Zoe!

Sailor here.

Mom says today is Zoe’s birthday. She is thirteen years old! Zoe had a big breakfast and smeared turkey and bacon all over her nose. She spent some time licking it off, but she wouldn’t let me help. Mom says it’s her birthday, her turkey and bacon, and her nose. So I had to sit and watch. Jib sat and watched, too. We both drooled.

Then Mom took us all for a walk and Zoe and I were tethered together as usual. Zoe sniffed when I wanted to pee and I sniffed when she wanted to pee. Mom says we have to learn to pee and sniff together so I won’t be dragged everywhere. But Zoe is old now. She doesn’t drag me like she used to. She walks by my side and doesn’t forge ahead except when we first reach the end of the driveway. She doesn’t tell Jib to be bad and she lines out when Mom says, “Line out!” when our leashes get tangled around everybody’s legs.

Zoe runs in the back yard like she used to, but she doesn’t run as fast. Or as far. She doesn’t run down the fence line and across the back and down the other fence line like she used to. She starts to run that way, and when Jib takes off and tries to beat her to the fence, she ducks behind the bushes and watches Jib run all by himself. Her feet laugh at him and he barks when he sees her standing there.

She still plays Fun Police, though. When I grab Jib by his ruff and throw him on the grass, no matter where Zoe is, she comes running when she sees this. She breaks us up by running between me and Jib, and she barks at me and shoulders me away. Mom says she did this when Jib was a wee lad because she didn’t want the puppy to be mauled by me. But she still does it! And Jib is not a puppy and likes to be mauled by me. He asks for it. He really does.

Zoe is quite deaf, too. Mom has to go all the way into her dog house now and knock on the roof to wake Zoe up for breakfast. Before, if Mom so much as turned the doorknob on the back door, Zoe would pop up, wide awake. Zoe can’t hear Mom call her name, so Mom uses her hand and arm to call Zoe for supper, too. But Zoe has to be looking at Mom to see that it’s supper time. If she is looking at the neighborhood, Mom has to go up to her and tell her with her hands that it’s supper time. Then Zoe runs to her dog yard for her chicken thighs.

But Mom says Zoe is doing very well for an old lady. She never limps, although she walks slowly for the first few steps in the morning. She still romps with Jib and me and she loves going for walks. She isn’t so keen on eating like she used to be, but Mom feeds her all sorts of things she doesn’t feed me. And Zoe still doesn’t like baths and she still loves to chase squirrels and she is happy all the time. Mom says she’s still a love and a Siberian and we should be so lucky when we are as old as Zoe.

Happy birthday, Zoe! I hope you share your supper with me.