Thursday, November 29, 2007

Appliance Woes

Sailor here.

Mom is having appliance woes. This morning while fixing smoothies, she announced that her blender had just gone to Sock Heaven.

“Sock Heaven?” I asked. “What’s that?”

“Sock Heaven is where inanimate objects go when they have completed their mission here on earth,” Mom told me. She has had a LOT of experience with Sock Heaven and knows these things.

“I thought that was the Rainbow Bridge,” I answered, having become well acquainted with the Rainbow Bridge lately.

“The Rainbow Bridge is for animate things,” Mom explained. “Sock Heaven is for inanimate ones.”

I thought about this and decided to politely disagree. Mom’s blender certainly behaves like an animal thing. After all, Mom talks to it, cajoles it, says rude words to it, and sometimes threatens to replace it with a younger model. The blender always answers back, too. Sometimes is says “Grrrrrrrrrrr.” Sometimes it says “Grrrr-bup-bup-grrrr.” And this morning it said in no uncertain terms, “Grrrrrr-ink-ink-inggggg..R.r.rr.rr…” and then all was silent.

Mom says it finally gave up the ghost and went to Sock Heaven. I say that if it had a ghost to give up, it most definitely must have gone to the Rainbow Bridge. And that’s not all.

Last week, Mom’s hair dryer suddenly took itself to the Rainbow Bridge. Like the blender, this appliance has lots to say in the morning. In fact, you could barely shut it up, until last week, when, during a hair blow, it became very quiet. Mom tried pushing the red button on the wall. She shook the drier. She sweet-talked the dryer, she begged, she pleaded, she smacked it, but the dryer was D-E-D dead. She had to tuck her hair behind her ears and hope for the best, and when she came home looking a little unusual at the end of the day, she carried a new hair dryer in its box. This new dryer is quieter than the old one and doesn’t smell like a fire in a DogWash either. I think I like it better. The old hair dryer’s death was really no great hardship for either of us.

But losing the blender is a huge disaster. How will I have my smoothies on warm summer evenings? How will Mom fix herself smoothies, too? I am quite worried.

I just hope the food processor doesn’t get lonely and decide to join its sisters at the Bridge. That would put an end to my veggie glop and I don’t know if I would survive without breakfast.

This Wikipedia and Wikimedia Commons image is from the user Chris 73 and is freely available at under the creative commons cc-by-sa 2.5 license

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