I Had a Conversation with Mom

Jib here.

I was asleep. I was minding my own business. I was dreaming about when I was a wee puppy. I was dreaming about chewing on my sister’s ears. I was dreaming about learning how to climb gray steps.

Mom came and woke me up. She took off my collar. She put on her rubber apron.

Phooey.

Mom gave me a bath. I didn’t need one. Really I didn’t. But Mom said it was because I had one of those poops that make me scoot on the grass. She said my kilts weren’t very clean.

Mom said she also gave me a bath because my ruff was naughty.

Zoe said that my ruff was naughty with a K. My ruff wasn’t TOO knaughty. Not knaughty enough for a bath. Really.

But Mom said yes. She said we are going to a dog show tomorrow so my ruff and kilts have to be beautiful. When my ruff has knaughts, she always gives me a bath. And a bath makes it easy to brush my ruff.

So I had a bath. I was not happy.

While I was being blowed and blowed, Mom and I had a talk. Zoe came near me to listen. Sailor lay down near the cheese table to listen, too.

“Jibby, if I had known how difficult your coat was going to be,” Mom said, “I may have reconsidered neutering you.”

“What is neutering?” I asked.

“That’s when the vet removed your testicles,” Mom said.

I crossed my back legs. Mom made me straighten up again.

“Where did they go?” I asked when I had recovered.

Mom stopped brushing me. She looked into the sky.

“I think they are waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge,” she said.

“Can I have them back?” I asked.

“Yes. When you go to the Bridge, you will get them back,” Mom said.

“Are mine at the Rainbow Bridge?” Sailor asked.

“Yes, Sailor,” Mom said, “Yours are at the Bridge, too.”

I looked at Mom. “Can I have Sailor’s, too?” I asked.

Mom laughed. She shook her head NO. “Sailor will probably have claimed his before you make it to the Bridge,” Mom said.

I was disappointed. But if I get my own back, than it’s not so bad.

“Will I have to have baths at the Rainbow Bridge?” I asked.

Sailor lifted his head. Zoe looked at Mom.

“No,” Mom said, “You will never have another bath.”

We smiled. All four of us.

So now I smell great. I am not knaughty any more. And I get to show off at a dog show in the morning. Sailor and Zoe have to stay home.

Nyah nyah.