Thursday, January 17, 2008

Puppy Kindergarten

Sailor here.

Well, Bilgewater is learning at a rapid clip. Mom says at his young age, his mind is a sponge.

Yes, I would agree. A soggy sponge some days, a dry one, others, but mostly one full of small holes and odd smells.

Here are some of the things little Scurvy has learned:

1. If he teases Zoe too much, Zoe will lure him into a game of chase and then roll him in the mud.

2. If he teases me too much, I will roll him in the mud, too.

3. If he steals the game hen out of my mouth, Mom steals it out of his mouth and puts it back into my mouth.

4. Mom always comes home to give him lunch.

5. I never get lunch. Hmmph.

6. If he lies down in the car crate, he won't have to hold on with his toenails when Mom goes around corners.

7. If he has to hork in the crate when Mom goes around corners, it is best to do it through the wire so Mom's carpeting gets yucky and not the crate mat.

8. When Mom yells, "Leave it!" - he'd better.

9. The world is full of "Leave-it!"s.

10. His first name is JibJibbyPuppyPuppyPuppy, his middle name is Good Dog, and his last name is Come. Then he gets cheese.

11. I never get cheese.

12. Hmmph.

13. Some days, he looks like a wart hog with floppy ears, the way his nose is growing.

14. Some days, he smells like a wart hog, too.

15. Loud sounds on the street aren't as interesting as what's in Mom's pockets.

16. When Mom steps on the long line and says, "Wait!” - he'd better.

17. Jib’s crate is a good place for a nap. My crate is an even better place for him to nap. Hmmph.

18. If he barks in his crate, someone will squirt him in the face. He can whine, though.

19. Standing in the water dish will give him wet feet.

20. Wet feet aren't much fun because Mom always comes at him with a towel.

21. Towels are really fun, though. They feel good on puppy teeth.

22. Losing puppy teeth means lots more chewing.

23. Lots more chewing means having his ears braced. Again.

24. Ear bracing makes a sticky mess all over the place, especially Mom's fingers and the hair on Jib's head.

25. Mom sometimes uses bad words, but he is not to take it personally.

26. The fireplace is verboten.

27. The fireplace tools are verboten, too.

28. Bitter apple tastes really awful and turns his face into funny shapes.

29. Mom loves bitter apple.

30. Hmmph.

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