50 Ways To Fail At Novice

"Down on the sit, Twit
Roll on the down, Brown
Stay on the Heel, Seal
Spin on the Stand, Sand

Two calls for the come, Bum
Sit still on the eight, Mate
Stop on the slow, Whoa
Heckle your neighbor, Saber

Snarl at the judge, Fudge
Leave the ring fast, Blast

Freak at the hat, Bat

Poop in the ring, King

50 ways to fail at Novice."

Jib here.

Mom sang to me all the way home from the dog show. She made up funny ways to fail at Novice. She said I didn’t do all of them. Only one of them. And nobody snarled at the judge. And nobody left the ring. This time.

But she says that I Not Quited again. This means I failed.

But she was wrong!

I heeled and heeled and heeled. I sat when Mom stopped. Well, once I forgot and another time I almost forgot. I was perfect on the Stand -To-Be-Petted. I ran to Mom when she called. I did sniff the Posts. But only to see if they had cookies in their pockets. That made me late. I did watch the Judge to see if he was friendly, too. That made me slow down when Mom didn't. But I remembered to stay with Mom when she ran off across the ring. And I stayed with her when the judge ran us under the ring ropes.

But I did NOT heckle my neighbors. I did not. I politely sniffed them. Both days. Mom said that if I had sniffed from where she left me, it would have been OK. But I got up to sniff. I had to say Hi. How can you say Hi if you don’t sniff? I had to step close to the Rat Terror. And I had to visit T-Bone, too. I know him from dog school. I got up to say Hi, what did you have for breakfast? His mouth was what Mom calls St. Bernard irresistible. I call it big and drooly.

Mom says we have work to do. But she said that because of me, she is no longer afraid to fail. She says this is a big relief. She says this makes her not even Sub-Nervous. And she said that SHE was perfect, even if I wasn't. And all because of me.

Aren’t I grand?