Another Bad Word Day

Sailor here.

This morning, Mom didn’t give me breakfast. She says it’s Saturday and a Half Assed Day. Actually, it’s a Half Fast Day, but you know what I mean. Then the doorbell rang and in my distress, I forgot to bark.

Aunt Judy came to my house just to say Hello to me and Jib! She says hello in the best way: lots of butt foozlings and side thumpings.

Mom clipped on Jib’s leash and she and Aunt Judy and Jib went away in the dog car. Mom took lots of great cookies and somebody’s breakfast with them. Was it MY breakfast? Maybe it will come back with Mom and I will get to eat it after all.

While my tummy made lion cub sounds, I stayed home and guarded the front door. Nothing much happened. Nobody came to the door, no people, no lions, no mailmen. So I slept.

When Mom came back, she brought Aunt Judy and Tavish with her. Tavish is Jib’s cousin. Tavish is the same color as Zoe. He looks like Jib with Zoe fur. He barks a lot. Jib barks a lot when he is with Tavish. They are naughty together and make me nervous.

Mom came inside for towels and her rubber apron. My heart stood still. Was it MY turn? Was I going to have a Bad Word instead of breakfast? I hid in Jib’s crate. Mom went back outside around the side of the garage. I sighed with relief. Jib trotted outside to see what was happening in the Bad Word spot. I did not. I was afraid Mom would see me and decide to give ME the bad word instead of giving it to Aunt Judy.

Jib came back inside and said that Aunt Judy didn’t have the Bad Word. Tavish had the Bad Word. That’s why Mom got wet. That’s probably why Aunt Judy got wet, too. Jib said Mom sprayed Aunt Judy by mistake and Aunt Judy sprayed Mom by mistake while they were spraying Tavish on purpose. So Tavish got the wettest of all.

Then Mom and Aunt Judy brought Tavish into the back yard and Ah-errgged him onto the cheese table. They dried him with Mom’s unbroken dog dryer. It took forever.

After Tavish was dry and fluffy and had licked all the cheese off the cheese board, Mom let Zoe out to romp. Tavish spent most of his romp time trying to say hello to Zoe’s rear end. Zoe spent ALL of her romp time telling Tavish to back off. I spent my time yipping at them both. Mom says my yipping means I am really wringing my paws, metaphorically speaking. She really talks like that.

Tavish finally figured out how to be polite for a few seconds at a time. Zoe got to have a drink of water without dripping all over Tavish’s head when she yelled at him.

I remember when Jib was a Mutant Teenage Collie and Zoe kept telling him to back off. Jibby wasn’t as stubborn as Tavish, though. But Mom says Tavish and Jib are two peas in a pod. Two cookies in a cookie jar. Two Desperadoes in our back yard. She says that Jib grew a new brain when he turned three and that Tavish will, too. All he needs is time.

I can hardly wait.