I Am a Great Dog!

Jib here.

Sailor had a bath today. Mom says he behaved very well in the tub and on the air blow table. Mom says he doesn’t mind having baths.

I mind. I mind having baths. Mom looked at me funny and said if I can play in the hose and have fun and get wet, why do I hate baths so much? Mom, get real. When I play in the hose, my skin doesn’t get wet! My fur does, but my skin stays dry. In the tub, Mom makes sure I am wet all the way to the skin. All the way!! And I hate that.

Sailor says he doesn’t like wet skin either. And that Mom is wrong. He hates baths. But he says that he knows how to be good. He says that Mom thinks he’s a Great Dog and that way, he can be bad sometimes. Because she still thinks he’s great.

Sailor says I can be bad sometimes too if I make Mom think I am a Great Dog. He says that I don’t have to be a good dog first to be a Great Dog. If Mom thinks I am a Great Dog, she won't mind if I'm not good all the time.

So I decided to make Mom think I am a Great Dog. Then if she says my middle name is Trouble, she will still think I am a Great Dog.

Mom had a party last night. I practiced being a Great Dog. Sailor barked and yipped, “Mom! Mom! Mom!” when Mom’s friends were eating dinner. I didn’t say a word. Well, when the dog down the street walked by, I yelled at her, but then I was quiet.

When Mom let me and Sailor out of jail, I didn’t jump on anyone. I didn’t sniff anybody in places I am not supposed to. I Left It when Mom said, “Leave It!” I caught my Frisbee in mid-air and didn’t sniff the food on the table and didn’t run out the front door more than once because I wanted to make sure Mom’s friends got in their car and not my car.

I was a Great Dog! I knew it. But I wanted to hear Mom say it. And she did!

Today, Mom took me to a dog show. She said I was making my Deb-yoo in obedience. I was Novice. Mom was Nervous. She smelled nervous and forgot to give me breakfast.

Sailor warned me about her. He told me how to make her Sub-Nervous. I followed his destructions and I was great! I Got Ready real fast and Mom smiled. I watched her when we went into the ring and didn’t sniff the grass. Mom smiled again. When she said, “Ready,” to Mrs. Are You Ready, I looked at her. Mom forgot to be nervous.

Mom says I exceeded her expectorations. Zoe says this means she can spit really far. I didn’t see her spit. She certainly didn’t spit on ME. But she was happy and said I got an NQ. She says it stands for Not Quite because my elbow came up off the ground when the judge said, “Return to your dogs.” Mom says I NQ’d by an elbow.

But I think NQ means Not Quiet. Mom set up my crate and left me alone. I was good. I was quiet. I was busy with my treat barrel. But I barked in my crate when Mom came back. I wanted her to pay attention to me. She didn’t. I barked. She still didn’t. Then I went back to my treat barrel and Mom told me I was good. When she walked away, I was quiet. When she came back, I NQ’d again, but not for long. And when I had to Find A Spot, I barked and Mom knew what I needed and we went for a walk and found some really good leg lift bushes.

So I Not Quieted at the dog show. But Mom says there are always other shows. I wonder if I will NQ again. And if I don’t, what is it that I will do?

Sailor says I will grow another leg.

???