I Am an Insect!

Sailor here.

I am an insect! I have six legs.

Mom says that four are what I was born with and two are those nebulous things from our last two Obedience Trials that will follow me wherever I go, but not seen and not herd. I am still looking for them, though, and hope they won't pop up at unlikely times, like today, in the Nervous A ring. One must be cautious on days like today in the Nervous A ring.

I was cautious. I was very very cautious.

Mom says that today was one of those Embarrass Mom in The Ring days, but I disagree. So what if my brains fell out my nose the minute I entered The Ring. So what if the grass was more interesting than Mom. So what if Mr. Do-You-Have-Any-Questions was more interesting than Mom. So what if Mr. Do -You's hat was more interesting than Mom. So what if the ring ropes were a bit scary, not ropes at all, but these wooden pincher things that looked like they might grab you and accordion you into a very small collie. So what if Mom's backside was MUCH more interesting than her frontside, since her frontside did not have cheese attached to it. So what?

And to make matters worse, Mom was not nervous. What's up with this? This is Nervous A, she's supposed to be nervous, and I had to make sure she followed the rules. After all, she IS supposed to be obedient and that's my job, to make her look good.

No matter what Mom says, I did a great job. I made Mom nervous and got through all the exercises. And Mom's friend, Dyin' Aych, was amazed at my performance, too. She even told Mom that she just couldn't believe it when Mom said that so far, according to Mr. Do-You, we had qualified. Dyin' said that I really understood the concept, "in the vicinity". Furthermore, my Stand for Exam was stellar and Dyin' said my Recall was fabulous. I love the Recall.

Mom says I had a total eclipse of the brain.

If that is so, then how did I manage to win a red ribbon and a picnic basket that's really a nylon bag to hold my cheese and water? And how did I also manage to win Highest Scoring Therapy Dog?

Answer that, Mom, answer me that.